What it is?

Feeling sick,feeling lonely,feeling destructed,feeling exhausted,don't know why but not feeling allright.Listening to coldplay and thinking about me,myself,my future,my life.Where am I heading?I am not able to figure out what I want,I don't know what I desire,I don't know what I dream of.......nauseating.Even the lyrics match my thoughts or may be I choose to listen to what I am feeling.Most of the times I am happy but there is a different story alltogether today.I am confused with what feelings are over me but I am not happy for sure.May be I need to rest or may be I need to work, work upon myself.
Everybody dreams, and what if you get everything at the time you just don't need them.They turn out to be distractions, distractions from what you actually aimed at or may be what you are aiming at.It happens most of the times when you get too many options which are just too distract you from what you actually are aiming at.May be this is what the case is with me.May be I am happy more than I can take.But this happiness is killing me.I don't want to go back into the time which i've left far behind.I want to move on but its tempting to look back into the hollow years i've left behind, to fill those years with happiness and start everything all over again.But it is possible?I don't know but who else is supposed to know.Its me who has to sort everything out.Its me who has to take decisions,its me who has to decide on my priorities,decide on what's good for me.
The things which I have been dreaming of my entire life have been laid in front of me.I can take them and move back or just leave them for the betterment of future.But where do I head?May be the things I dream of today may not be worthwhile when I achieve them.
What's there in this world that can satisfy my thirst.Something which may be just enough to make me content and satisfy my hunger for more,something which doesn't make me think of any better.
I wish for eternity.I wish for salvation.I wish for freedom of my soul,freedom of doing anything for which I am not answerable even to myself.
I think I need to rest or may be I need to talk.

dare to dream?

enjoying life.
Your life is all fun.A smalltown guy who has never dreamt big brought in the company of geeks and nerds but you think you were meant for something bigger something great.Pursuing an undergratuate program at one of the so called best colleges, you hardly get time to think beyond the real world.You enjoy life to the fullest,though the place hasn't got much to offer yet you have no complains(sometimes you do). Wake up in the morning(sometimes) ,go for classes ,play some sport and then waste the remaining time on internet and friends. You transform yourself into a chain smoker and an ocassional drunkard.You think this is enjoyment,this is life,this is what you were born:to work like an ass and enjoy like a lion,and you don't time for anything else.
enjoying life?
Still in the corner of your heart you feel something is missing.You don't know what is missing and by the time you realise it become a need. The thing without which you cannot continue your plain simple life. You turn a moron from a jaunty character.The same lifestill which was fun seems abbadon.You feel frustrated and you go to any extent to remove this void, the void for someone,someone closer than your friends,someone closer than your family,someone who is special,someone who cannot be defined.
enjoying life!
To do away with it you start dreaming.You met a fairy,white as milk with dark long hair and a great smile.An absolute angel ,you fall for it,rather you think that you can fall for it.Her aur and charismatic persona drives you crazy and cast a spell over you.You share some of the most exiting rather most romantic times with it.You never intend to wake up never to come out of the dream.You waste much of your time and energy chasing the dreams,without any surity of getting anything concrete.These were the best days of your life.

enjoying life..........sob sob.
One day you wakeup and she is gone,gone without a trace. You refuse to give up you refuse to take it because you don't wan't to.You try to go back to the same moments , back into the same dream ;back with the same angel.But what you want and what you get are two entirely different things.But what's your fault? Why it is always you to face the axe? All this just because you dared to dream.You realise that it was just a dream an d nothin else and the real world is much more harsh than them.People like you are not matured for all this, or the world does not respect the emotions of people like you who prefer to go by their heart rather than the mind.were you cheated or ditched;you don't know and rather would never know because nobody has got time for answering all this.Nobody cares for what you feel and what you think,actually nobody has time for emotions and feelings of people like you.But still you cannot change and better not change for people who just don't give a damn.
But remember we will meet again , I m sure. we will meet whether be it His feet but we will meet.
" tere hoothon pe haasi ki tarah main mehfooz hoon ;tere dil mein yaadon ki tarah main mehfooz hoon"
Someone said " Dreams are fantasies of the rich but not the profession of the poor".
Rightly said and justified .You were born poor,you are here to make arrangements to earn your bread and not to pursue the fantacies of the rich.You don't have the right to dream. DO YOU?